Sunday, October 28, 2012

And I Don't Want To Live This Life.

Throughout my life, I've read many, many books. None of them have stuck with me as much as And I Don't Want To Live This Life by Deborah Spungen. Each and every page is filled with frighting and emotional stories of Deborah's daughter Nancy Spungen - girlfriend of bassist for the Sex Pistol's, Sid Vicious. 
Deborah digs deep into the life of Nancy, making you live in the mind of both her and her daughter which can be very disturbing and uncomfortable for the reader. It's hard to get through page after page, but once you do - the story sticks with you.
And I Don't Want To Live This Life is and forever will be one of my favorite books of all time.

I received this book as a present from my parent's a few year's ago on Christmas. Since I was a child, I was enchanted with Nancy - not with the drug use or the infamous fame she received, I was enchanted with her as a person not her image. I could tell the difference, even at a young age. 
My happy Christmas was over when I opened this book. I held back tears as I read the Introduction, Deborah's simple yet powerful words describing Nancy's destined death was overbearing. I read only that first page before I closed the book to continue our family celebration - which was now ruined because I couldn't get Nancy out of my head.
My family and I soon went to bed at about midnight, I couldn't sleep so I decided to read some more. I read the first few chapters and fell deeper into the mind of Nancy. The way Deborah writes makes you grieve for Nancy and her family. Her mother doesn't make Nancy the victim nor the villain, she makes her a human being - which people seem to forget. 

The book starts out with Nancy's death with the reporters and all. Even a phone call from Anne Beverly - Sid's mother to Deborah, telling her that her son is also dead.
After the telephone call, Deborah is sick with it all and grab's wire and ties it into a noose. Ready to kill herself she thinks of Nancy and her 20 years of pain. 
She then decides that her pain won't go away until she give's Nancy's death a purpose, until Nancy die's with some peace and dignity. 
Deborah move's on with life and she over the years has helped many, many families in need of help with their children - she has saved other "Nancy's" out there from the path their Nancy had took.
One thing that surround's this book is death. As a child Nancy knew that she would die very young and tragic - even her family knew. As Deborah recalled, her family had nothing to do but sit and watch her die. Nancy once recalled that she would go out with headlines - which she did. She was found murdered in the Chelsea Hotel in 1978, her boyfriend Sid confessed to her murder but died of a heroin overdose before going to trial. Nancy was only 20 year's old and Sid was 21 at the time of their death's.
One thing that surprised me was that Sid wrote Deborah after Nancy's murder, the letters are published in this book. They are very personal and give's a little insight on what might have happened in Room 100 the night Nancy was murdered. Deborah never wrote back but she recalled that she felt every emotion that Sid wrote to her. He sent her a poem about Nancy, which was used as the book title:

You were my little baby girl,
And I shared all your fears.
Such joy to hold you in my arms
and kiss away your tears.
But now you’re gone, there’s only pain
and nothing I can do.
And I don’t want to live this life,
If I can’t live for you.
To my beautiful baby girl.
Our love will never die…

Nancy and Sid.

Fans of Sid and Nancy should read this book! Most fan's dislike Nancy but once you read this book you'll see why she acted the way she acted.
Since I've read this book, I've grown an attachment to Nancy and her family. Like all the other people I write about I feel like it's my job to protect them from any unkindness thrown their way. 
This book is a story of sadness and tragedy and will keep any reader trapped in the book - even if your not a fan of Nancy. Deborah's story will stick with you throughout your life.

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